You can lead a team and still feel alone
How founders can ask for useful support without turning every relationship into another business conversation.
By Rajiv Sankarlall · Updated
Being surrounded by people does not mean you have someone to talk to honestly. Your team needs decisions. Investors want an update. At a networking event, someone asks how things are going, and you give the version that keeps the conversation comfortable.
There may be parts of your experience you do not know where to put: doubt, disappointment, exhaustion or the feeling that you have become a role rather than a person. You do not need to share every detail with everyone. You do need to consider who can hear more than the polished version.
Ask what kind of company you need
Sometimes you need another founder who understands the work. Sometimes you need a person who has no interest in your metrics and wants to spend time with you. Sometimes you need professional support. Those are different needs, and one relationship may not meet all of them.
Look at your recent conversations. How many were about a task, a deal or a problem? When did you last do something with another person without needing it to be useful to the business? If that part of life has disappeared, what is one invitation you could make?
Make the request specific
Instead of hoping someone notices, try a clear request: “I have had a difficult week. Could we go for a walk? I want to talk it through before we try to solve it.” Or: “I would like to see you and have an evening away from company talk.”
The other person may not be available or may respond differently from what you hoped. That does not mean the need was unreasonable. It gives you information about where support is, and where you may need to look elsewhere.
Find a place for the harder questions
A confidential professional setting can make it easier to examine things you do not want to discuss with colleagues. Before joining a group or hiring a coach, ask about confidentiality, boundaries and the kind of work they do. Choosing between a peer group, coach and therapist can help you think through the fit.
In my coaching, there is room to discuss the life behind the company as well as the decisions in front of you. The aim is to help you reconnect with what matters and take steps you choose, while building support beyond the sessions too.